Well, another week has come and gone and I don't see much joy around. It's not just the loss of my husband, but the loss of everything we hold dear. Ryan loved America and we fought against the evil of communism in the Airforce. Maybe it's good that he's not here to be forced to take a vaccine or lose the ability to provide for his family. Maybe it's good that he's not here to see his sons forced to make a decision to capitulate or lose their livelihoods. Maybe it's good that he's not here to see the eventual forcing of our grand daughter to become a communist. Something we spent our whole youth fighting. Maybe it's good that he doesn't have to watch the destruction of our nation to a bunch of moronic, losers who don't know the difference between men and women, good and evil, right and wrong. I just don't know anymore.
I know that I miss him. I miss having him to talk about my feelings and my fears. I miss having him to give me a hug and assure me that we're in this together. I miss that we can't sit an have a cup of coffee together and talk about the old days. I miss having the few hours of time together walking in nature enjoying the critters and plants...pretty much the only times we could ignore the evils in the world and the loss of freedom we both saw coming.
Everyday, I have to go and change an account with his name on it. I have to remove his things from the house. I have to learn new skills that he always took care of before. Even though he lives in so many people's memories, it feels like I'm erasing him from existence. I know it's not so, just taking his name off mindless government mandated paperwork, but it causes me a lot of sadness.
Resistance feel futile these days. Of course I will always continue to resist tyranny. I will speak out in truth until I cannot anymore, but as has been the case in most instances I have stood up for others, the people who say they'll stand by you fade into the distance. Every time someone goes along with a government mandate we lose freedom. Every time someone makes a decision based on fear instead of logic we lose freedom. Every time someone says, "we'll go along just so we can get back to normal," we lose freedom.
Maybe the death of Ryan has made my sense of loss more keen. Maybe it's just sadness that keeps me
Sorry for the negativity of this blog, I know we're all supposed to be light and sunshine and uplifting, but maybe there are others who feel this way. Maybe knowing someone else feels the hopelessness, BUT has an eternal hope for salvation will bring someone to the peace that passes understanding. That peace comes from Jesus Christ. I know that there is nothing I can do to change what will be, I can only do what I can now to help as many as I can with the truth, because honestly the only thing left is the truth.
