Well, another week has come and gone and I don't see much joy around. It's not just the loss of my husband, but the loss of everything we hold dear. Ryan loved America and we fought against the evil of communism in the Airforce. Maybe it's good that he's not here to be forced to take a vaccine or lose the ability to provide for his family. Maybe it's good that he's not here to see his sons forced to make a decision to capitulate or lose their livelihoods. Maybe it's good that he's not here to see the eventual forcing of our grand daughter to become a communist. Something we spent our whole youth fighting. Maybe it's good that he doesn't have to watch the destruction of our nation to a bunch of moronic, losers who don't know the difference between men and women, good and evil, right and wrong. I just don't know anymore.

I know that I miss him. I miss having him to talk about my feelings and my fears. I miss having him to give me a hug and assure me that we're in this together. I miss that we can't sit an have a cup of coffee together and talk about the old days. I miss having the few hours of time together walking in nature enjoying the critters and plants...pretty much the only times we could ignore the evils in the world and the loss of freedom we both saw coming.

Everyday, I have to go and change an account with his name on it. I have to remove his things from the house. I have to learn new skills that he always took care of before. Even though he lives in so many people's memories, it feels like I'm erasing him from existence. I know it's not so, just taking his name off mindless government mandated paperwork, but it causes me a lot of sadness. 

Resistance feel futile these days. Of course I will always continue to resist tyranny. I will speak out in truth until I cannot anymore, but as has been the case in most instances I have stood up for others, the people who say they'll stand by you fade into the distance. Every time someone goes along with a government mandate we lose freedom. Every time someone makes a decision based on fear instead of logic we lose freedom. Every time someone says, "we'll go along just so we can get back to normal," we lose freedom. 

Maybe the death of Ryan has made my sense of loss more keen. Maybe it's just sadness that keeps me

from seeing any good. But I do not. Loss is everywhere, and while I know in the end good will win, because Jesus will return and put an end to the evil of this present darkness, watching the fall of our civilization is painful. Watching so many choosing the path to hell is painful.

Sorry for the negativity of this blog, I know we're all supposed to be light and sunshine and uplifting, but maybe there are others who feel this way. Maybe knowing someone else feels the hopelessness, BUT has an eternal hope for salvation will bring someone to the peace that passes understanding. That peace comes from Jesus Christ. I know that there is nothing I can do to change what will be, I can only do what I can now to help as many as I can with the truth, because honestly the only thing left is the truth.

Life Goes On

 

Hello my adoring fans. 😎 I am sorry to have been away for so long, but sadly in the beginning of July I lost my husband of 31 years. The doctors aren't sure what happened to him...kind of a perfect storm of strangeness...no Covid however. Needless to say, I have been dealing with after death processes and grief that comes in waves. I never knew I could miss someone so profoundly, or feel so alone while being surrounded by so many people who love me still.

Ryan was one in a million. I know people say that, but he truly was, at home and at work. I have received such insights about Ryan from those he worked with and been blessed with the affirmation of how much he loved me and my boys, and of course our grand daughter. He did a little bit of everything at his job, and considering no one thought he would be gone so suddenly a huge hole of loss of knowledge opened wide. I can't go into all of what he did, considering I don't even know fully, but I know that he had such vast experience and knowledge from all he did that his loss is felt by those at work close to my own.

However, Ryan was not just my husband, he was my very best friend. Someone I could talk with about almost anything. Someone that would enrage me (as I did him) and still love and cherish and forgive always. We weren't the kind of couple that had to spend every hour together. In fact after he'd come home from work, we'd eat dinner and maybe watch a television show we recorded and then he'd go upstairs to our room or his office and have alone time. On the weekends he usually cooked dinner (and was an excellent chef.) We would sit in the sunroom in the mornings for an hour or so watching the birds and critters before we'd go our separate ways to do whatever needed doing, me usually gardening and him usually computing or watching something on the telly. Then there were the days we'd go out to the arboretum or for a walk. Those were such great times. Just walking and chatting or simply enjoying nature. He was and is and always will be my best friend ever.

Now, I sit and look out at the critters and birds and remember him. I think about how much he'd enjoy watching the new baby bunny or the red-wing black bird that came to visit. When I watch a show that we'd enjoyed together, I think about him in the jokes or the bad acting or the bad or good cooks. Sometimes I'll just be sitting and want to go upstairs and get a hug, then I remember he's not there anymore. I'll want to talk about something with him, but he's not there anymore. All the financial decisions we used to discuss together now fall singly to me. And stangely enough I cannot mow the lawn without crying. Ryan always brought me some water half way through the yard, and he always sharpened the blades and maintained the engines. Now those are things I have to do...and not that I'm not able to do them, but the symbiosis we had was just special...and I miss sharing all the little things with him.

As I sit here typing there are tears streaming down my cheeks. He always supported my writing...even said that once my books were best sellers he'd retire and live off my earnings. LOL. I think he honestly meant that. So, as the first two months of life alone draw to a close, I look back on how wonderful the first 50 years of my life have been and don't know what the next few hold. I will continue to write. I will continue to tend my gardens (and create some new ones in his honor). I will continue to be bold and a bit obnoxious about the world. I will continue to hold to my faith in the one true God and wait for the day I will see him again in heaven. It's hard to believe that life can go on after the loss of someone so special, but it does. I have my sons, grandaughter, parents, in-laws, and friends to care for and be cared for by. And of course I have my wonderful fans and those just reading my scribblings to keep entertained with my ramblings.

Remember always to resist the devil and his minions and they will flee from you. We battle against them constantly, but in the end Jesus Christ has already won. Fight the good fight for we already know who has won the battle for mankind's soul. Resistance

Writers Block

 Hi dear fans. Today is just a quick sharing moment. What do I do when I have writer's block (or as I call it writer's procrastination.)? Of course, I bake some pies. My grandma Glawe made a pineapple rhubarb pie that was/is to die for! So I thought I'd share this wonderful recipe. It makes two 9" double crust pies...or you can use the filling for any of your favourite baked goods. Hope you enjoy it as much as I always have! 

obvious crust issue, but flakey nonetheless

See all that lovely rhubarb?

2 eggs

2 cups white sugar

20 oz can CRUSHED pineapple not drained

2 cups rhubarb chopped

6 Table spoons flour

pie crusts (top and bottom)

Mix all ingredients together. Put into crust. Bake 425^ F for 10 minutes. Lower to 350^ F for 35 mins. Cool completely on wire racks. Enjoy plain or with vanilla ice-cream!

And if you'd like a good novel series to read while enjoying the pie check out the RESISTANCE series!

Juneteenth...White Guilt on Display

 Okay. Today I am going to hit a topic that could get me in trouble with white and black people, but I feel very strongly about it seeing as my local town council (all white folks BTW) have made a proclamation about it, so here I go...Juneteenth, a day celebrated by Texans (until last year when the rest of the USA learned about it) to remember when enslaved peoples learned about the Emancipation Proclamation and were "granted" freedom.  Now it has become a rallying cry for white folks with white guilt to make like they are super people for declaring black folks are free. What the serious hell?...

I have had many black friends over the years and known many black people from all stations in life and have never thought to myself, "you know what would be really great? If somehow white people would really TALK about how we need to acknowledge black people's accomplishments in our country." I have also never known a black person who felt the need to be justified in their existence by white people. I mean all this recent white folks jumping on the BLM bandwagon, and the white guilt/privilege bandwagon is a joke. I'm here to tell people that black folks do NOT need white folks to tell them they are "special" or "great" or that they deserve freedom. Black folks already know this.

Just because modern white liberals have decided that with all their privilege that they somehow need to make up for their ancestors past mistakes does not mean that they should. I am DISGUSTED at how liberals (of all colours) treat the average black person (and other people of non white, whatever colour that may be, colour). How DARE liberals feel that they have to put hard working black folks into a box and tell them that they are and have been beaten down, and that there is systemic racism everywhere? Bull sh*t!. Have black and brown folks been treated differently? Sure, in some instances yes. Is it right? Hell NO it is not. But it is not "systemic" it is bias...and bias is different from racism. If it were about race, why are conservative black people attacked by these same "concerned" liberals for not being willing to be victims or their narrative?

People love to use statistics to push this agenda. Truth is more unarmed white men are shot and killed by police than black men. More white men are in prison then black men... now that's when statistics come into play. The percentage of black people is higher than white people in jail nation wide so that negates the actual numbers...or does it? I don't think the white mother who lost her son is any less hurt than the black woman who lost her son. Police will treat lower class white folks pretty badly too. In small towns the local "bad boys" will be tagged because of their families, not actual behaviours. Is that any less bad? Being targeted because of who people or police perceive you to be? Police reform should be more than just colour based. Societal and police bias are not reserved for a colour group. I mean if we're going to go by statistics and percentages, I would like to know since over half the population is female then why aren't half of the people in jail or shot by police women? I mean doesn't that make police sexists, since they don't arrest and shoot more women? Do you see the flaws in using statistics and percentages? It's all to divide us, because when we're divided the "bad guys" can control us...making the whole of society slaves to the political elite machine. God help them if we ever came back together and stood up to their evil plots to control us all.

I have always hated the idea of slavery. When we learned about it in school, I never understood how anyone could think of other humans as somehow less or like animals. I still to this day do not understand hating someone because of what they look like. And I DO NOT understand why people who have never and would never own another person (black or white) would feel guilt about someone else doing it in the past. I am so very tired of White people with guilt trying to make the past better. You cannot make the past better. Whatever evils happened, happened. The way to make it better is to not repeat those mistakes. To not make another race feel inferior when they are not. Like it or not these well meaning white liberals have created victims because of the idea of victimhood. They have, by their very guilt, become racist. They see a black person and immediately see victim. They see a black person and immediately feel like they need to help them. Why? HELLLOOO, black people do not need white people to save them. Black people do not need liberals or government to save them. What they (and everyone) needs if for liberals and government to leave them alone. Quit telling them that they can't learn. Quit telling them that they can't get jobs or get in college. Quit telling them that they are criminals. Things like a Juneteenth proclamation seem great. But what do they do? They make white people with white guilt feel like they are doing something for the "poor little black folks." 

How about, instead of proclamations and hyperbolic symbolism, you just treat everyone like they are human and capable. No one needs your liberal privilege. All people need is for you to shut up, go away, and let them live. I am white. I do not hate black people or people of other races. I don't really hate anyone. I would say I dislike leftist liberals, but that is based on their behaviour not anything visible by looking. I believe that everyone matters. But until we change the narrative from this group or that group the only thing that will matter is who is pulling the strings, and do any of us matter to them? Does anyone really matter anymore? Leave me a comment.

A Long Ramble

 Hi. It's been two weeks since I've visited the blog...no so much because I had nothing to say, but because I had so much to say, but couldn't figure out how to write it. I also had my youngest son home, getting out of the Navy and finding a new job...which he did within two weeks of looking. However, the job was in Florida, so I spent the better part of that time helping him figure out how to move his stuff (which had just been delivered to our home.) A quick trip to Florida with a full van and full car got him moved into his new abode. So, once again, I have a bit of empty nest syndrome. Thankfully my other son lives nearby so I get to see him and my grand daughter regularly. Blessings abound in my life...thanks be to God.

Anyhow, my thoughts are still swirling, and while my personal world is rolling along, same as always, the world at large is getting crazier and crazier. Sadly, I fear soon it's complete disfunction will begin affecting my little world. I sit by and watch all that was good in my upbringing being torn away. Where once we tried to see past race and look at a person's heart, today all that matters is the colour of someone's skin. And past evils are being brought forth as if they just happened yesterday, instead of in the past having had lessons learned. The hatred I see being spouted from the President and left of this country is astounding. It used to be small pockets of haters would spew their rhetoric and be shut down quickly by society, but now, it seems that everywhere is someone crying racism, racism, racism and "woke" society is clamouring to embrace it. It's as if Charles Manson's dream is finally coming to pass. It makes me want to scream...but what is the point? 

The human condition seems to be, once we get close to love, equality, and freedom, we have to screw it up. Living comfortably and safely makes the newer generations feel threatened. They create chaos when there doesn't need to be any. Why? Why not take whatever "privilege" you think you have and actually go help those you see as oppressed? Why not work to fix the wrongs you perceive? Give up your college spot to someone you feel deserves it more. Give up your job to someone you feel has been wronged. Give your house or apartment to those you feel have been disenfranchised. How does beating people or making people feel that they are oppressed help them? How does burning down hard working people's stores and homes help anyone? If giving money to people helped get them out of poverty, the United States and the rest of the Western world would have no poverty. If giving opportunities for free education made people smarter the United States and the rest of the Western world would have no unedcuated people. We spend more on welfare and education and yet NO ONE can make the people embrace it. Give people money, why would they work for it? Obviously free education is useless as so many of our young folks can't read or write well, and well, once you say mathematics (the one thing that is only factual) is racist and needs to change it's obvious that education is not the goal. 

You can give opportunities to everyone, but that does not mean they will embrace it or run with it. Our human nature seems to be do the least and desire the most. You want to be filthy rich? Well, you have to work long hours. You have to miss the kids sports and anniversaries. You'll have to miss date nights and vacations. Happily, most people do not want to make the sacrifices necessary to get rich. People are putting family first, and like it or not, if you don't work you should not get paid. You want to take time off to raise that family, then you sacrifice. You do without. That is why God (and yes I believe in Yahweh, the one true God) created men and women to get married and have children. It's not so the man can lord it over the woman, but so that ONE parent could do the work in the home and one parent could do the work to afford the home. It's why community is supposed to be about supporting each other, and not just looking out for one group or another and disregarding those you don't like. If we had less single family homes (yeah, I said it) and more desire to work through problems instead of putting our SELF first and just throwing away what is hard it would be better. A family CAN live on one income if they sacrifice...if the family is mum, dad, and kids (and extended family or community if extended family is not around). 

But we have become a nation and world of government being the one who takes care of everything. Dad wants to leave? The government will give the money to exist. Mum doesn't want dad around anymore? Government will give the money to exist. But do we only want to exist? Do we want our children growing up being tossed between parents? Do we want our children having a new parent come into their lives only to have them thrown away later when it doesn't "work"? There is nothing to bind families together anymore. Selfishness is pretty much all I see around society. Me-ism is going to be the downfall of the West. Perhaps that is what it was set up to do. Get to the point where individuality trumps everything else. Even groups who claim they want unity and community only want it if their personal desires are met, so the modern notion of unity and community is a fiction. 

I always believed my books COULD be a reality, but in my heart I hoped it really was conspiracy theory. I really hoped the past would not repeat itself, but here it is, bold as brass...in your face. We may not be in sustainable communities yet, but "sustainable development" is ruling every aspect of our lives, driven by the power brokers and oligarchs that have become the kings of the earth. And freedom, especially the kind Americans claim is non existent...a fairy-tale. I have watched the last year, people do things they did not believe in, so they could work...so they could shop. And now I'm watching people who do not want vaccines go ahead and get one because they want to work, or shop, or travel. Where is the freedom? People are slaves and don't even know it. This is why I wonder why I bother to blog...or write. Are people even able to see the truth anymore? Do they want to? Has love of self (otherwise known as self esteem) replaced freedom? I think it has. 

Well, enough rambling for today. Anyone who's reading I hope you resist the devil, and I hope you put your faith in God rather than your self. AND if you're bored and want a good book series to read, check out RESISTANCE . It's available to buy in softcover or ebook and if you have kindle unlimited you can simply download it for free. God bless. See you next week...if I'm feeling up to it.

Big Old Blah's

 

Hi. Sorry for my complacency with writing. I honestly just haven't been feeling it. I have been feeling depressed lately (feeling, not clinically). I used to have a natural fortress of solitude in my back garden. Now it's plagued by people who seem to care more about teaching their kids sports than about nature. Barking dogs when I just want a bit of peace in the garden. Native habitats cut down to make room for grass. I just don't get it. I feel like Tree Beard from LOTR...no one cares about growing things anymore. The wheels of industry turn and the rest is just in the way. *sigh* Neighbors that don't say hi or even acknowledge anyone else's existence. Also, my grand daughter will be going back to in-person learning next year, so I know she'll be getting the vaccine and being taught to be a sheep...follow the crowd, ignore common sense and science. It's all getting to be hard to find joy.

HOWEVER, I do find contentment in watching the birds and critters playing in the few trees left around. The garden is still green and nature still does it's thing. My friends are true and steadfast and my close family is a comfort in troubled days. There is always something to find joy in, but watching the decline of our civilization day by day saps my strength. Yes, I know there is nothing I can do about it...pray and stand firm in the truth. I know that God is in control and I do know the outcome, it's just overwhelming to watch.

Sorry for the lament...I just wanted to try and stay on track, and while people love to hear the positive thoughts of those of us who write, I think it's important to also share the times when we feel the hard things in life. I'm sure by the next time I write I will be in a better place, but for now I am simply resisting the urge to hide away. 

My favourite Psalm is number 27. "The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?...Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

Back on Track (at least for this week)

 Hi Everyone! Yes it is Monday and I'm actually writing a blog. It's been a really good weekend, so I figured I'd not procrastinate this week and get it done...how'd y'all like my poem last week? From the number of views I'll take it that it's not good! hahaha. Poetry has never been my forte. 😁

So here it is the last week in April and I've got most of my garden flowers in the ground and pots, and the tomatoes and peppers in the ground. This week I'll be putting in the peas and setting up the fencing for my bean plants. Most warm weather seeds don't go in "until the peony bushes (pronounced as "piney bushes" by the valley locals) bloom" (it's a Virginia saying, but it does seem to be a good rule of thumb).

Once the gardens are set, I will finally get down to working on some new projects. Obviously the new novel series, but also my children's stories. The Catkins are busy on adventures waiting to be immortalized in writing and the magical world of A'all has many magical happenings to regale hungry readers of fantasy. My mind is a-buzz with thoughts and plots and characters...thankfully digging in the dirt and planting makes my imagination soar!

Hopefully a book signing event will be in the works for the summer. I do miss chatting with folks about my novels and hearing feed-back from actual humans, not just texts and messages. I never intended to actually publish anything, it was friends who encouraged me to take to the publishing path...and my few fans appreciate it, which is the reason I continue to post this blog. I see a few people peek in from time to time. 

Hope you all have a great week. Always remember to RESIST the foolishness of the world and follow the truth!!!